Gluten Free…Really? Seriously?….crap

Pasta? love it. Bread? loove it. Dounts? I would battle Homer Simpson to the death over the last sprinkle. Migraines? Bain of my existence. They cause vertigo if I don’t my preventative medication daily…yes, daily…for 3 years. Though, in general, the side effects from my meds stay sidelined; occasionally they get in the way of living like a regular person.  Also, if I ever want to have kids I have to ditch the meds cuz I can’t take them while prego. Major downer reporting for depression duty.

….So, I am going to try to abstaining from the church of wheat for 2 weeks. A zillion friends have heard my migraine woes and immediately ask if I’ve tried giving up gluten to which I reply “Nah, I’d have to get my shit together for that.”

Well hold your breath peeps, it’s time…shit gathered (Ew. Did I just type that? Sorry…the imagery.)

Today, November 1st is the first day of my gluten-free life (aka the most boring sitcom ever) and I am glad to report that I have managed to stay gluten free despite being tempted by mountains of my favorite candy…

You're only 2 bites away from a kick-ass candy straw!
You’re only 2 bites away from a kick-ass candy straw!

Granted I ate like 15 ‘fun size’ packages yesterday in prep for today and I also ate a maple bar from Top Pot. What? It WAS HALLOWEEN!?

*Note: I have a sensitivity to caffeine so I can’t eat chocolate (I know, I should probably just kill myself. Living without brownies is not really LIVING, is it?) so I cannot eat my real favorite candy, aka Snickers…so many Snicker. I love you. *drool

I want to cuddle you so hard, with my face!
I want to cuddle you so hard, with my face!

Anyhoodle…gluten, I will try to keep a log of my thoughts about gluten and any tips or tricks I pick up…also any gluten free snacks I dig. Like these!!

lemon almonds
Like those lemon Girl Scout cookies w/o all the evil gluten

6/8 of my co-workers agree that they will take a lemon yogurt coved almond from me, 5/8 agree that they would redily consume them if available. 0/0 care that they are gluten free. 7/8 think that the stories I tell about my cats are great. 8/8 are sure I’m a cat lady and 100% of Jenna’s are fine with that.

The Bikini Collector

Why do I keep Buying Bikinis?! I live in Seattle!? Seattle!?! There are like, 10 days a year that I could potentially wear a bikini…and with my luck I will be working all 10 of them…but I still own enough of them to weave a small spandex quilt. I mean, if you think about it. That’s a lot. Triangle tops are so little fabric!

ANYWHOODLE, some history…

Louis Reard inventor of the Bikini
Louis Reard inventor of the Bikini

Louis Reard invented the bikini back in 1946; 76 years ago. Naming it after the Bikini Atoll*, designated site for over 20 nuclear weapons tests by the US government. His thinking being that it would echo a similar shock and surprise in the fashion community. Bare navel = atomic bomb?..I think not, but it was quite a blow to modesty and channeled countless dollars into the waxing industry**.

Whether you’re boldly showing that thong or flouncing about in a flirty skirt, the debate on modesty will eternally rage on and I will do the bikini CWS…

Cali Dreaming Bikini
Cali Dreaming Bikini

Cali Dreaming black bikini. I’m kind of in love with these bikinis but they seem to be difficult to get your hands on…or try on..and you HAVE TO  TRY IT ON BEFORE YOU BUY IT or face the ill fitting consequences.

Mara Hoffman Casino Bikini- Front
Mara Hoffman- Electric Casino Halter Bikini- Front
Mara Hoffman Casino Bikini- Da Back
Mara Hoffman- Electric Casino Halter Bikini- Da Back

I might be a little obsessive compulsive (should I have italicized that, people like italics right? Italics are totally the new bold.) which is good for Mara Hoffman, bad for my bank account. The color and slimming/emphasizing “design magic” of the pattern keeps the eye moving in a figure complimenting direction. I want this bikini, no…I NEED this bikini. <-Italic and bold, nailed it!

Forever 21
Forever21-Polka Dot Bandeau Bikini

No, I am not in cahoots with Forever 21 for my ‘steal’ gear. I truly scoured the web at work for days and days…please don’t tell my boss..looking for a great deal on a bikini that I would actually wear. Here we have the winner of my hours of effort, enjoy.

Classic- Cali Dreaminig- $182

WildCard- Mara Hoffman- Electric Casino Halter Bikini – Top $101, Bottom $97

Steal-Forever21-Polka Dot Bandeau Bikini Top- $10.80, Bottom – $9.80

*So, this all started with Bikini-fashion stuff but kind of bled into me nerdily reading way too much about nuclear testing by the US and the Soviets. The FBI and CIA are most certainly tracking my internet habits now, hope they like Pinterest.

Tsar Bomba
Tsar Bomba

The most interesting being a wikipedia article about the single most physically powerful device ever used by man, the Tsar Nuclear Bomb, 50 megatons (mt). If you are feeling like being absolutely horrified by humanity/ in awe of the raw power of atoms… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsar_bomb

**$$Cha-OUCH! You dirty mother f*cker!..I’m sorry..sorry, that really really hurt…I’m crying a little-Ching$$

Goodness it is HAUTE outside

It has been oppressively hot in Seattle the past few days…anything above 85 degrees Farenheit is generally considered whole-heartedly unbareable in Seattle. Yes we are warm weather wussies, myself desiccatedly (is that a word? Am I just making up words now?) included. ANYWAY…

So, what do we do when it is too damn hot for clothing but society forces us out in public to buy a watermelon?…PUT ON A SUNDRESS. As close to wearing nothing at all as possible, these impossibly light weight dresses are the best bet to beat the heat.

According to Wikipedia, Lilly Pulitzer popularized the sundress with her bright, printed shift dresses in the 1970’s.

Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad via Fashiontent
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad via Fashiontent

But it’s gone in every direction under the sun since then. Here are the C.W.S. (Classic $$$, Wildcard ???, Steal !!!)

Lilly Pulitzer Capricia Dress
Lilly Pulitzer Capricia Dress

Updated shift silhouette with a large eyelet embroidery. Bright, prep colors that I could actually see myself wearing without feeling like I need a tennis racket and a WASP husband.

Free People ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress
Free People ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress

Closest thing to nothing at all this Free People frock with the lace-up side details is a Wild Card in my book. Anything that requires enough bravery to laugh off the occassional side boob slip is a little w i l d for this introvert. *Must wear bandeau bra underneath…cute, lacey, flirty

forever21B
Forever 21 Floral Print Racerback Dress

$16 is a friendly price to pay for a shift with this lively floral and if you’re frightened of wearing black, a recent study has shown that wearing black is not any warmer light colors since absorbs the light from the sun but also any heat coming off you body. Where white clothing reflects everything, including your own heat back at you. Yay science and clothing.

Classic – Lilly Pulitzer – Capricia Dress – $298

Wild Card – FP ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress- $118

Steal – Forever 21 Floral Print Racerback Dress – $15.80

I’d be wearing these with every one of these dresses;

Jeffrey Campbell – Puffer Green – $99Jeffrey Campbell

These if I can’t get the dreamy green sandals;

Jeffrey Campbell – Magma – $79.95

because I have a punk rocker's <3
Jeffrey Campbell Magma via Amazon