Choc-a-lot Brownies

…wait..wait…I know what you’re thinking, what does the girl who can’t eat chocolate know about brownies?’ Geez, shut up your loud-mouth mind for two seconds and I’ll tell you!* About 3 years ago; before I found out I had a ‘sensitivity’ to chocolate,  I ate it every day. Seriously, I am going to have diabetes by next year. (just kidding…maybe…oh my god)

These brownies have  3 different types of chocolate!…any decent brownie recipe should have at least cocoa powder AND melted chocolate. The combination adds a depth of chocolate flavor which = extra chocolaty brownie in your face.

ALSO, I took 30 to a party yesterday and came home with ZERO and loads of compliments.

Yes, I ate some sprinkles... Alright! A lot of sprinkles.
Yes, I ate some sprinkles… Alright! A lot of sprinkles.

Choc-a-lot Brownies – rich, fudgy, and a little chewy

5 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped

2 oz unsweetened chocolate, chopped

8 tbsp (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into quarters

3 tbsp natural or dutch-process cocoa powder

3 large eggs

1 1/4 cups (8.75 oz) white sugar

2 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp kosher salt +a pinch

1 cup all-purposed  flour

8in x 8in metal baking pan + aluminum foil and cooking spray

Makes about 20 medium sized brownies.

1) Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and preheat to 350 degrees. Line pan with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray, future you will totally appreciate it.

The building blocks of life.
The building blocks of life.

2) Find yourself a microwave safe bowl and add the butter chunks, semisweet chocolate chunks, and unsweetened chocolate chunks. Microwave on 50% power for 2 minutes. After removing it from the microwave, stir and wait a minute…then stir again. ** Repeat microwaving for another 30 seconds if your chocolate isn’t smooth as satin.

Third chocolate!
Third Chocolate!

3) When smooth, whisk in the cocoa powder and set heavenly (triple chocolate!!) mixture aside to cool slightly.

meow
meow

4) In a larger bowl, whisk (just use the chocolate whisk, because more dishes are less fun) together eggs, sugar, vanilla, and salt. Add the cooled  chocolate yum yum juice and stir to combine. <-this is where I would add some semi-sweet choc. chunks, if I was into that.

Oh man... there are about a million things I want to smother in this and eat!!
Oh man… there are about a million things I want to smother in this and eat!!

5) Dump in the flour and stir with a wooden spoon UNTIL JUST COMBINED. Don’t freak, flour streaks are okay…they will bake out.

Stir just a little bit more than this.
Stir just a little bit more than this.

6) Spatula that glorious brownie batter in the pan, smooth it out and sprinkle that pinch of salt on top. Bake for about 30 minutes. Your oven is not my oven, so check them at 25 minutes and every 5 minutes after that until they reach your desired gooey-ness. I suggest under-baking them to retain a fudge layer…oh, man…the fudge layer!  A toothpick or knife tip inserted in the brownies should come out with moist brownie sludge on the end.

I want to dive in face first
I want to dive in face first

7) Cool for about 2 hours before cutting…or whatever. They’re your brownies, go nuts…or whatever.

So...yeah, I licked the knife
So…yeah, I licked the knife

*Said in the voice of Sookie Stackhouse a la True Blood

**Sometimes the residual heat in the butter and bowl will melt the remaining chocolate lumps, so give it a minute.

The white sugar creates that crinkled layer on top. So good.
The white sugar creates that crinkled layer on top. So good.
more
This is torture. Self-torture…apparently I am a masochist. For chocolate. Ugh.

I’m glad that there are none left from yesterday, because I would eat them. All of them and suffer the most horrible migraine in the existence of migraines…AND IT WOULD BE WORTH IT!!

Gluten Free… Doughnut Replacement

I am in a long term, deeply passionate love affair with fried dough covered in frosting and sprinkles. I know it bad for me and I should say ‘no’ but…but..I just can’t! Nobody understands me quite like Maple Bar does. Which is why this gluten-free diet has been absolute torture.

I should also mention that there is a doughnut shop across from where I work. Some cruel genius figured out that tech zombies and healthcare nerds have lots of spare cash and an inability to get up early enough to prepare a healthful breakfast.  That rich, rich bastard. $$$

Despite the taunting call of my lover every morning (and a freaking work pizza-party…where do I pick up my medal?), I have maintained my gluten free heading! But I don’t think I could have done it without these guys;

Yes I took this picture with  my smart phone. Impressed? I think not.
Yes I took this picture with my smart phone. Impressed? I think not.

I call them my doughnut replacements because they hit all the same flavor notes that make my brain light up like a rat tasting that first bite of maze completion prize cheese. Nothing tastes quite like saturated fat on the tongue (i.e. bacon and butter), nothing!  Warning: they taste awesome but remember they are still full of calories, so take it easy.

More Gluten-Free nonsense to come…