Goodness it is HAUTE outside

It has been oppressively hot in Seattle the past few days…anything above 85 degrees Farenheit is generally considered whole-heartedly unbareable in Seattle. Yes we are warm weather wussies, myself desiccatedly (is that a word? Am I just making up words now?) included. ANYWAY…

So, what do we do when it is too damn hot for clothing but society forces us out in public to buy a watermelon?…PUT ON A SUNDRESS. As close to wearing nothing at all as possible, these impossibly light weight dresses are the best bet to beat the heat.

According to Wikipedia, Lilly Pulitzer popularized the sundress with her bright, printed shift dresses in the 1970’s.

Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad via Fashiontent
Lilly Pulitzer vintage ad via Fashiontent

But it’s gone in every direction under the sun since then. Here are the C.W.S. (Classic $$$, Wildcard ???, Steal !!!)

Lilly Pulitzer Capricia Dress
Lilly Pulitzer Capricia Dress

Updated shift silhouette with a large eyelet embroidery. Bright, prep colors that I could actually see myself wearing without feeling like I need a tennis racket and a WASP husband.

Free People ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress
Free People ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress

Closest thing to nothing at all this Free People frock with the lace-up side details is a Wild Card in my book. Anything that requires enough bravery to laugh off the occassional side boob slip is a little w i l d for this introvert. *Must wear bandeau bra underneath…cute, lacey, flirty

forever21B
Forever 21 Floral Print Racerback Dress

$16 is a friendly price to pay for a shift with this lively floral and if you’re frightened of wearing black, a recent study has shown that wearing black is not any warmer light colors since absorbs the light from the sun but also any heat coming off you body. Where white clothing reflects everything, including your own heat back at you. Yay science and clothing.

Classic – Lilly Pulitzer – Capricia Dress – $298

Wild Card – FP ONE Imperial Palm Pintuck Dress- $118

Steal – Forever 21 Floral Print Racerback Dress – $15.80

I’d be wearing these with every one of these dresses;

Jeffrey Campbell – Puffer Green – $99Jeffrey Campbell

These if I can’t get the dreamy green sandals;

Jeffrey Campbell – Magma – $79.95

because I have a punk rocker's <3
Jeffrey Campbell Magma via Amazon

High School Reunion..Just Barf, or Total Barf?

That time has come.

I thought it would never happen.

Watching Romi and Michelle made me dream of a reunion full of high fives and just desserts, but as with most things…movies may have steered me toward unrealistic expectations.—Where are all the talking animals, I ask?! Where?!

It’s been 10 years since I graduated from high school and though I fit somewhere in the middle…Biology geek, cheerleader, art/choir nerd; I think that I was remotely memorable. My Facebook would have me believe that I am still in-touch with all those folks and their inevitable *baby-flood but it’s just a hyper-social sham. I don’t really care that you bought a burrito at Shopko today. Who are you again? I’m sorry………………. . . . . .  .  . not.

———-This is probably a good time to mention that I am A) Unmarried and B) Without Children, which is why I have enough spare time and brain power to make crazy shoes and write a marginally funny blog. Just fyi.———

ANYWAY FREAKING WAY, I am undecided on returning to the scene of my teenage “spring.” The same awkwardness that taught me to be sarcastic as an adult was in full gangly limbed effect back then and I’m not sure I want to relive that, even for 1 night…though I would like to rub my latent sexiness in a few faces. Hmm, Yes. Let’s focus on the sexiness as we contemplate an outfit for the occasion.

Mara Hoffman- Lattice Waist Dress
Mara Hoffman- Lattice Waist Dress

Nothing screams “Hey jerkface, you made fun of me in high school; now weep like baby over how hot I am” like midriff cutouts. Seriously, trust me.

It’s not for another month so there will probably be more posts with varied anxiety levels as the date grows closer. I may have some PTHSD (Post Traumatic High School Disorder) to get all over y’all. You’re welcome. Some thoughts on outift complimenting shoes…

Nine West Wiston on SALE
Nine West Wiston on SALE
YSL Tribute High Heel Sandal -Patent Black
YSL Tribute High Heel Saldal- Patent Black

I prefer simple, black shoes with this dress because it has so much going on, but a flirty metallic could work too. Just stick to a simple silhouette or you could tasefully get your Ne-on….haha get it, neon?! I’m so awkward.

Kelsi Dagger Mackenna Snake Print Sandal
Kelsi Dagger Mackenna Snake Print Sandal

 *There was a dam that was holding strong until year 26. Cracks started to form, I could see trickles of pregnancy status updates taking over the feed…then 28…TWENTY-EIGHT!!…The weight of all those Instagrammed “baby pix” became too much for her and she burst. Babies. Just babies everywhere, not an empty uterus in sight. ‘Cept mine, this here be baby free y’all.

Oh no Vampanodo!

Seriously Louboutin, STOP! You are designing just for me and my bank account is feeling the pain!…or I wish it was. We all know dreaming about buying Louboutins is as close as I’ll ever get…but the it’s such a good dream.

Christian Louboutin “Vampanodo”

I have a thing for violet….

Violet “Vampando”

ugh…and bows!

Oh no Vampanodo!

Cease and desist. Just kidding…I didn’t need a paycheck.