Tag: Witty

 

You’ve heard of it…a legend, rising from the mist. Maidens fainting in it’s awesome wake, men on bended knee basking in it’s glory… No, it’s not that super foxy, kinda hipstery (but he smelled nice and has clean hair) guy from the donut shop gym. It is the ( ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) Did you feel that?! I think it was the aftershock of the realization that there is an ultimate chocolate chip cookie recipe…and it takes 36 hours to make a single cookie.

“F*ck That,” I say to myself 2 years ago upon the original discovery of  the ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) recipe. But the idea that my cookies where sub-par nagged at me. What if…no, no, no…well, maybe…what if it was really the best?  I  mean, really 36 hours isn’t THAT long. I occasionally have to wait 48 hours for Amazon to deliver my giant googly eyes, so I guess I should be capable of waiting 36 hours for ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) So I tried it and it was worth every second.

Let’s skip to the part where I bake and incessantly tell you to lick the bowl and utensils…

 

Dat’ Recipe originally from Jacques Torres, adopted by For Me, For You… annotated by Covette

2 cups minus 2 Tbsp. cake flour

1 2/3 cups bread flour

1 ¼ tsp. baking soda

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

1 ½ tsp.  kosher salt + ~Tbsp for garnishing

2 ½ sticks  unsalted butter, softened

1 ¼ cups light brown sugar

1 cup plus 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar

2 large eggs (room temp)

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 ¼ pounds bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips,  60% cacao. I only trust Ghirardelli and Guittard.

Beat softened (but not melted) butter with whatever mixing gadget you prefer for 2-3 minutes until notably lighter in color with a whipped texture.  Scrape down bowl incessantly.

Dump in both the white and brown sugar and continue to beat for 3-4 minutes. Mixture will noticeably lighten in color. Scrape bowl..again.

Add one egg to your butter-sugar lovely fluff, and beat about 30 seconds to incorporate.  Scrape dat bowl, girl. Repeat with second egg.

In goes the vanilla.

Begin to add your flour combo to the wet ingredients, starting the mixer slowly to avoid flour all over the place. Mix until combined.

I like to take about a quarter of the chocolate chips and roughly chop it into smaller chunks. Be sure that you collect every last morsel of chocolate dust to add to the cookies. I just love the look of chocolate specks all throughout the cookies along with the larger chunks and chips.

Now for the fun bits. Add your chocolate chips. Mix until combined or if you’re feeling industrious you can fold them in by hand.

 

Now for the hardest part of this whole stinkin’ recipe, put all of the dough into a large seal-able container. I like to cover the top with wax paper to keep it from drying out.

…and into the fridge for 36-48 hours. Yes, really. I find that to avoid consuming it all one spoonful at a time, the bottom shelf behind something gross is the best hiding place.

This is a very critical step…the double flour power only works if you give all the ingredients time to meld and hydrate, which takes 36 hours. The caramel flavors and perfect texture are worth the wait.

———-Distract yourself for 36-48 hours*———-

Post refrigeration, scoop the dough into 1/4 -to- 1/3 cup portions, arranging on an ungreased cookie sheet with plenty of space for these big cookies to spread. I usually only bake 6 per sheet.

 

The last step before meeting the heat is to press the ball to flatten it slightly, and sprinkle the top of the cookie dough with kosher salt.

Baking can be tricky. I have been tracking the approximate temperature and bake times for my oven but YOUR OVEN WILL BE DIFFERENT; 385 degrees Fahrenheit for 6 minutes, turn the cookie sheet (for even baking) and 7 more minutes.

Pull the cookies when they have a nice golden edge but are still a little under-cooked in the middle. Let them sit on the hot cookie sheet to rest and ‘carry-over’ cook to perfection for another 5 minutes. The bottom of the cookie should be golden but not dark brown. If they are too dark, turn your oven down or place the cookie sheet on a higher oven rack, further from the heating element.

Remove from tray and let the cookies cool completely on a cooling rack. EAT ALL OF THEM.

I highly suggest that rather than plan ahead for every occasion (all occasion!) that could be made better by adding cookies, you keep some of this dough in your fridge at all times…am I being unreasonable? Try the cookies. Then we’ll talk.

Also, any ‘extra’ cookies should be made into ice cream sandwiches! Save yourself the hassle of scooping the ice cream and buy the ice cream in pint contains so you can cut them into perfectly sized disks…like this.

*Some Suggestions on ways you can while away the hours until cookie time;

1) 36 hour hopscotch battle to the death! You’ll win, you have cookies to live for.

2) Complete an ultramarathon, collapse from exhaustion. Meet handsome ER doctor, schedule date for 72 hours later. Bring him a cookie. Fly to Vegas that night and get hitched at the The Little White Wedding Chapel…because yeah, THAT is how good these cookies are.

3) You could watch every episode of Firefly+ the movie (12.95 hrs) , all the Harry Potter movies (19.76 hrs), and the full Lord of the Rings trilogy extended versions (11.4 hrs).  Bake the cookies and then watch every Samurai Champloo episode (8.6 hrs). Weekend well spend…high five.

4) Play one game of Monopoly. Use fresh cookies as a distraction while pocketing a few 50’s from the bank. Nobody will blame you, someone had to school your sassy roommate after she claimed the Scottie dog.

5) Write the whole Twilight trilogy.

6) Start a Tumblr about hamsters with hipster haircuts, become ‘internet famous,’ get a book deal go on talk show to discuss movie. Ruin career with badly timed horny hamster joke on Ellen. No movie. Eat cookie for solace.

7) Fall in love with Alexander Skarsgard on True Blood, spend the next 35 hours and 49 seconds watching (it only takes 11 seconds to fall in love with A.S., I counted) every clip of him shirtless on youtube. Eat cookie for phenethylamine from chocolate.

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments…my OCD says I need at least 3 more.