As a compliment to my Wheat-free Carrot Cake this frosting is killer. I literally stood in my kitchen and repeatedly ‘taste tested’ it…like, like…some sort of sugar addict!
**Jenna fully acknowledges that she is indeed a sugar addict, she is fine with this.**
It is glorious. New favorite buttercream…by far. It’s a riff on my standard buttercream recipe but with the addition of organic creamed coconut…which is the secret ingredient. It gives natural coconut flavor with the kind of forgiving texture that people like me (are there other people like me?) dream about. Smooth for frosting, but stiffens like mortar when chilled.
Coconut Buttercream Frosting
– 2 cups (4 sticks) of unsalted butter at room temperature
– 1/2 cup (1 stick) of non-hydrogenated shortening (I like this one)
-1/2 cup (3/4 of a package) of the unsweetened organic creamed coconut (here is your link)
– 3.5 cups powdered sugar
-1 tbsp vanilla
-5 tbsp pineapple juice (canned, not fresh!)*
-1/2 tsp salt
*Fresh pineapple contains and enzyme that could make your frosting curdle. If you don’t have pineapple juice, you could replace this with coconut extract and some cream to thin the frosting to a consistency you like.
Add all that room temperature buttery goodness to the bowl of your favorite mixer, the non-hydrogenated and coconut stuff too. Whip the mixture until homogenized. This will take 2-3 minutes and a lot of bowl scraping. Consider investing in one of these guys.
A Quick note about that ^^^weird creamed coconut^^^ I keep talking about. Straight out of the package it has the texture of fruity concrete. To use it in this frosting, I placed the sealed plastic bag in a sink of warm water. The solid mass of cocoliciousness melted to a softened consistency. The package says you should mix it with water, DO NOT THIN IT WITH WATER… just add it straight. Your buttercream cannot support the extra water.
Once everything is looking a little fluffy and puffy, lower the speed of the mixer (seriously.) and start adding in your powdered sugar bit by bit. Once you’ve hit the 3.5 cup mark and everything is looking mingled, add your flavoring, salt, and pineapple juice….then jack the speed of your mixer to high and let it go for at least 5 minutes.
Walk away, just let it go… try to avoid that oh so needy behavior of watching and speculating about whether everything will turn out as planned. Did I add all the sugar? Will I have enough frosting? I suggest that you try to locate some rum and concoct a pina colada-like drink from the remaining coconut and pineapple juice. You are a creative being, I have faith in your capabilities.
After your frosting is thoroughly fluffed, you should grab a spoon and taste it and adjust, just remember that you can always add, but you can’t take away. Season wisely my friends. ….NOW YOU ARE READY TO FROST AND ENJOY! or just eat it out of the pastry bag. I don’t judge.
I’m 30, this was no big deal for me. It just kind of happened and I accepted it… but I am still stoked when I get carded at a bar or a teenager asks me out at a gas station. Yes, that really happened and he was visibly stunned when it became apparent that I was waaaaaayhayhay older than he was. I know! It was awesome! …Don’t worry I declined the offer, and promptly high five’d myself when I got back into my car. Anyhoo, my best friend turned 30 last week and she was in full denial stage;
her: I am not turning 30! I am going to just be 29 forever. I need Botox!
me: Dude, it’s not THAT bad.
her: Shut up Jenna! It IS that bad!
me: uh…. I’ve been 30 for, like, 6 months now.. what are you trying to say?…
her: ….ummmm . . ..
Yeah, apparently I am not rocking the 30’s as hard as I thought I was… but at least I’m still baking like a rockstar!
This recipe is wheat-free (not gluten-free) so that everybody at the party could enjoy it. I hate when people have to be excluded based on allergies, I am usually one of these people and it isn’t fun. Rye flour was easily exchanged for all-purpose flour at a 1:1 ratio. The bold flavor and moisture of carrot cake made it easy to hide any taste or texture issues related to switching flours.
In a large bowl, combine eggs, sugar, oil, applesauce, and vanilla. Beat until homogeneous. In another bowl combine all of your dry ingredients; flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and spices. Using a dry whisk, blend the dry bits until everything appears uniform… this takes the place of sifting. Boo sifting. Nobody likes you. Go home.
Add your dry to the wet ingredients and stir to combine. NOW the show really begins; time to bring in the star here…you ready? Who’s pumped!? I am like, 7 Redbulls into a physics exam all-nighter (2am, not 4am) pumped!…add the CARROTS!! Yeah, what what! Booyah baby!…….. and all the other stuff; raisins, nuts, coconut, and pineapple…I’m talking to you. You guys are great too, but like backup singer great. Not Marky Mark great.
Everything stirred together? Fantastic. To the pans!! I used 2 Wilton 9-inch round cake pans. I like to line the bottoms with parchment paper and Pam for super easy cake removal later.
Bake those beauties at 350 for about 40 minutes, I like to check ’em at like 35…and do the toothpick test. Cool in the pan for for 10 minutes. Run a knife along the edge to be sure the cake beast is free from the pan. Invert and cool on a rack until…well, until they’re cool. You can wrap your carrot beasts in plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight for extra easy construction later… or you can just frost and stack as you see fit. This is your rodeo cowboy, I don’t care if you just stand around your kitchen and eat the cake with a pile of frosting in the middle over your garbage…like a giant whoopie pie…..Oh snap, new life goal people. New life goal.
*I don’t like nutmeg, so I don’t add it. I say that you add the spices that you like, some suggestions; cardamon, clove, all spice, nutmeg, mace
Usually people would frost this kind of thing with cream cheese frosting…In this case, I was banned from using cream cheese (allergies!) but I was allowed butter (thank the heavens!) so I made a coconutty buttercream to compliment the cake. Post to follow shortly!
I used some of these Wilton tiny star sprinkle/glitter things and they were so frickin’ adorable…I want to eat them on top of every food ever. Calamari? Olives? Sandwich? There is nothing that they couldn’t improve.
So, long story short…she had a party, I made the cake and she has embraced the sweet sweet reality that 30 is going to be great…maybe even better than 20.
This was all that remained of the cake when I left…in case you were wondering if people missed the wheat and cream cheese.
You can tell from the multiple doilies that this is a very important cookie.
You’ve heard of it…a legend, rising from the mist. Maidens fainting in it’s awesome wake, men on bended knee basking in it’s glory… No, it’s not that super foxy, kinda hipstery (but he smelled nice and has clean hair) guy from the donut shop gym. It is the ( ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) Did you feel that?! I think it was the aftershock of the realization that there is an ultimate chocolate chip cookie recipe…and it takes 36 hours to make a single cookie.
“F*ck That,” I say to myself 2 years ago upon the original discovery of the ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) recipe. But the idea that my cookies where sub-par nagged at me. What if…no, no, no…well, maybe…what if it was really the best? I mean, really 36 hours isn’t THAT long. I occasionally have to wait 48 hours for Amazon to deliver my giant googly eyes, so I guess I should be capable of waiting 36 hours for ( ( (((ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE!))) ) ) ) So I tried it and it was worth every second.
Let’s skip to the part where I bake and incessantly tell you to lick the bowl and utensils…
1 ¼ pounds bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips, 60% cacao. I only trust Ghirardelli and Guittard.
Beat softened (but not melted) butter with whatever mixing gadget you prefer for 2-3 minutes until notably lighter in color with a whipped texture. Scrape down bowl incessantly.
Dump in both the white and brown sugar and continue to beat for 3-4 minutes. Mixture will noticeably lighten in color. Scrape bowl..again.
Fluffy and puffy.
Add one egg to your butter-sugar lovely fluff, and beat about 30 seconds to incorporate. Scrape dat bowl, girl. Repeat with second egg.
Begin to add your flour combo to the wet ingredients, starting the mixer slowly to avoid flour all over the place. Mix until combined.
I like to take about a quarter of the chocolate chips and roughly chop it into smaller chunks. Be sure that you collect every last morsel of chocolate dust to add to the cookies. I just love the look of chocolate specks all throughout the cookies along with the larger chunks and chips.
Chocolate flakes all over everything. Glorious!!!
Now for the fun bits. Add your chocolate chips. Mix until combined or if you’re feeling industrious you can fold them in by hand.
Now for the hardest part of this whole stinkin’ recipe, put all of the dough into a large seal-able container. I like to cover the top with wax paper to keep it from drying out.
We’ll be together soon enough my love..
…and into the fridge for 36-48 hours. Yes, really. I find that to avoid consuming it all one spoonful at a time, the bottom shelf behind something gross is the best hiding place.
This is a very critical step…the double flour power only works if you give all the ingredients time to meld and hydrate, which takes 36 hours. The caramel flavors and perfect texture are worth the wait.
———-Distract yourself for 36-48 hours*———-
Post refrigeration, scoop the dough into 1/4 -to- 1/3 cup portions, arranging on an ungreased cookie sheet with plenty of space for these big cookies to spread. I usually only bake 6 per sheet.
The last step before meeting the heat is to press the ball to flatten it slightly, and sprinkle the top of the cookie dough with kosher salt.
Baking can be tricky. I have been tracking the approximate temperature and bake times for my oven but YOUR OVEN WILL BE DIFFERENT; 385 degrees Fahrenheit for 6 minutes, turn the cookie sheet (for even baking) and 7 more minutes.
Pull the cookies when they have a nice golden edge but are still a little under-cooked in the middle. Let them sit on the hot cookie sheet to rest and ‘carry-over’ cook to perfection for another 5 minutes. The bottom of the cookie should be golden but not dark brown. If they are too dark, turn your oven down or place the cookie sheet on a higher oven rack, further from the heating element.
Remove from tray and let the cookies cool completely on a cooling rack. EAT ALL OF THEM.
I highly suggest that rather than plan ahead for every occasion (all occasion!) that could be made better by adding cookies, you keep some of this dough in your fridge at all times…am I being unreasonable? Try the cookies. Then we’ll talk.
Also, any ‘extra’ cookies should be made into ice cream sandwiches! Save yourself the hassle of scooping the ice cream and buy the ice cream in pint contains so you can cut them into perfectly sized disks…like this.
*Some Suggestions on ways you can while away the hours until cookie time;
1) 36 hour hopscotch battle to the death! You’ll win, you have cookies to live for.
2) Complete an ultramarathon, collapse from exhaustion. Meet handsome ER doctor, schedule date for 72 hours later. Bring him a cookie. Fly to Vegas that night and get hitched at the The Little White Wedding Chapel…because yeah, THAT is how good these cookies are.
3) You could watch every episode of Firefly+ the movie (12.95 hrs) , all the Harry Potter movies (19.76 hrs), and the full Lord of the Rings trilogy extended versions (11.4 hrs). Bake the cookies and then watch every Samurai Champloo episode (8.6 hrs). Weekend well spend…high five.
4) Play one game of Monopoly. Use fresh cookies as a distraction while pocketing a few 50’s from the bank. Nobody will blame you, someone had to school your sassy roommate after she claimed the Scottie dog.
6) Start a Tumblr about hamsters with hipster haircuts, become ‘internet famous,’ get a book deal go on talk show to discuss movie. Ruin career with badly timed horny hamster joke on Ellen. No movie. Eat cookie for solace.
7) Fall in love with Alexander Skarsgard on True Blood, spend the next 35 hours and 49 seconds watching (it only takes 11 seconds to fall in love with A.S., I counted) every clip of him shirtless on youtube. Eat cookie for phenethylamine from chocolate.
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments…my OCD says I need at least 3 more.
…wait..wait…I know what you’re thinking, what does the girl who can’t eat chocolate know about brownies?’ Geez, shut up your loud-mouth mind for two seconds and I’ll tell you!* About 3 years ago; before I found out I had a ‘sensitivity’ to chocolate, I ate it every day. Seriously, I am going to have diabetes by next year. (just kidding…maybe…oh my god)
These brownies have 3 different types of chocolate!…any decent brownie recipe should have at least cocoa powder AND melted chocolate. The combination adds a depth of chocolate flavor which = extra chocolaty brownie in your face.
ALSO, I took 30 to a party yesterday and came home with ZERO and loads of compliments.
Yes, I ate some sprinkles… Alright! A lot of sprinkles.
Choc-a-lot Brownies – rich, fudgy, and a little chewy
5 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped
2 oz unsweetened chocolate, chopped
8 tbsp (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into quarters
3 tbsp natural or dutch-process cocoa powder
3 large eggs
1 1/4 cups (8.75 oz) white sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp kosher salt +a pinch
1 cup all-purposed flour
8in x 8in metal baking pan + aluminum foil and cooking spray
Makes about 20 medium sized brownies.
1) Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position and preheat to 350 degrees. Line pan with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray, future you will totally appreciate it.
The building blocks of life.
2) Find yourself a microwave safe bowl and add the butter chunks, semisweet chocolate chunks, and unsweetened chocolate chunks. Microwave on 50% power for 2 minutes. After removing it from the microwave, stir and wait a minute…then stir again. ** Repeat microwaving for another 30 seconds if your chocolate isn’t smooth as satin.
Third Chocolate!
3) When smooth, whisk in the cocoa powder and set heavenly (triple chocolate!!) mixture aside to cool slightly.
meow
4) In a larger bowl, whisk (just use the chocolate whisk, because more dishes are less fun) together eggs, sugar, vanilla, and salt. Add the cooled chocolate yum yum juice and stir to combine. <-this is where I would add some semi-sweet choc. chunks, if I was into that.
Oh man… there are about a million things I want to smother in this and eat!!
5) Dump in the flour and stir with a wooden spoon UNTIL JUST COMBINED. Don’t freak, flour streaks are okay…they will bake out.
Stir just a little bit more than this.
6) Spatula that glorious brownie batter in the pan, smooth it out and sprinkle that pinch of salt on top. Bake for about 30 minutes. Your oven is not my oven, so check them at 25 minutes and every 5 minutes after that until they reach your desired gooey-ness. I suggest under-baking them to retain a fudge layer…oh, man…the fudge layer! A toothpick or knife tip inserted in the brownies should come out with moist brownie sludge on the end.
I want to dive in face first
7) Cool for about 2 hours before cutting…or whatever. They’re your brownies, go nuts…or whatever.
**Sometimes the residual heat in the butter and bowl will melt the remaining chocolate lumps, so give it a minute.
The white sugar creates that crinkled layer on top. So good.This is torture. Self-torture…apparently I am a masochist. For chocolate. Ugh.
I’m glad that there are none left from yesterday, because I would eat them. All of them and suffer the most horrible migraine in the existence of migraines…AND IT WOULD BE WORTH IT!!
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